Whatever You Can Do
by Moonrays and fridays
Summary: Rory goes to see him late at night. He's not sure why, but he knows something's wrong. She was living her dream, he was so sure she was living her dream. But why had she come to him? Literati R/J Post Series


She was drunk. It was three in the morning, and there she was, standing in his doorway, drunk. She had that defiant look in her eye, and he knew he wasn't going to get any answers.

'Rory?'

She almost smiled at the surprise in his voice, and just shook her head as if she didn't know where to start. 'I don't know why I'm here.'

She sounded so tired he just shrugged and let her in. She drank in the apartment with wonder, the books on the shelf, his books. She tried to smile, but it was just too much. He folded out the sofa bed and got fresh sheets and pillows. He did it all so efficiently that by the time she'd got over the pure size of the bookshelf, the bed was ready.

'Go ahead' He gestured, and she lay down gingerly. He suddenly realised and grabbed her a jumper from his closet, 'Sorry, wasn't really expecting company, this okay?'

She was smiling again and he didn't know why. 'What?'

'Metallica.'

'Oh, yeah.' He was embarrassed. 'So I'm just through there if you need anything, the bathrooms the second on the right, kitchen's over there. I'll see you in the morning.'

She yawned. 'Thanks Jess.'

It was half an hour later when his brain had finally quietened and stopped asking questions. He was dazing into sleep when the door creaked open, and her slight shape slipped through. She tiptoed to the bed and slid in beside him.

'This isn't a thing.' She told him, ' I just need to be held, okay? Can you just do that for me, please?'

She was so desperate he just nodded and shrugged in the darkness. She rested her head on his shoulder, he small hands clutching at his t-shirt. For the next hour sleep eluded him, and he just lay there, staring into the dark of the room, listening to her breathing.

Suddenly her breathing sharpened, quicker and harsher. She whined and moaned, thrashing about the bed. He pinned her down as he tried to wake her up. But she wouldn't stop screaming, crying out 'No' over and over as the tears ran down her face.

'RORY!'

Her eyes snapped open and she stared like she didn't know where she was.

'Jess?'

'You turned up a few hours ago,' He explained, 'You didn't say why. You just had a nightmare.'

'It's nothing, I'm fine.'

He looked at her, and didn't have to call her a liar, she saw it in his eyes. He held her close.

'Come on Ror, if you came here, you must have wanted to tell me.'

She sighed and sat on the end of the bed, staring away from him. He moved up behind her quietly, 'Come on Rory, you can trust me.'

'I did it. Lived the dream. International reporter, Rory Gilmore. After the Obama campaign they pretty much let me do what I want. Overseas correspondent. I saw it all, Iraq, Afghanistan, South America. I went to Korea, and I never knew what Lane knew about that place.'

'I don't understand. What happened?' He could hear his own voice trembling.

'War. War happened. And you were right, you were right all those years ago. I couldn't handle it. It was dirty and dark all the time. There was so much death, so many explosions. Then days in silence. It was everything I wanted to do, and…it just wasn't worth it.'

He held onto her, carefully at first, as if she would break, and then harder, as if he couldn't let her go.

'It'll be okay Ror, look, I'll come with you back to the Hollow if you want? Or you can stay here for a while, clear your head? It will be okay again.'

She turned with a half-smile, and put her hand to his cheek in gratitude. 'I've gotta go back, I've got weekly therapy sessions in Hartford.' She put her head in her hands, 'How did I make this big a mistake? I shouldn't have…'

'Hey come on, what other option was there? You went for your dream.'

'No, I didn't really want it then. It was an excuse. I ran into Logan, and he asked me again, he asked me to marry him, a second time.' She paused to let him digest that, she wasn't sure if he knew about the first proposal. 'And he asked me what was so important, what one thing I couldn't sacrifice. And this was it, the dream I'd always had. I knew I wasn't strong enough, but I had to do it, to prove I hadn't made a mistake.'

There wasn't really much to say after that. It was all about cups of coffee, and wrapping up in the duvet on the sofa whilst they talked about books and watched bad movies. Occasionally she let her head rest on his shoulder, and he let it happen.

By the time the sun was up she knew it was time to go home. She showered and dressed, and thanked him, not quite looking him in the eye.

'Rory…why me? Why come here to me?'

'What I said last night is still true this morning, I'm not sure why, I just knew I had to come here and tell you. You were the one who knew I couldn't do it back then, maybe I thought you should know you were right.'

He widened his eyes as if she'd slapped him, 'I never meant you couldn't do it…you can do anything…'

'No, I can't and I'm so tired of everyone telling me I can. You were the only one who knew the real me, who told me the truth. You're still that person.' She hugged him fiercely. 'Sorry for dropping by and messing everything up. Thanks though. I feel like I'm constantly running from place to place, completely lost.'

'Hey Gilmore.' He held onto her hand as she tried to move away, 'Let me run with you.'


End file.
